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Can we get the homeless some bunny suits?

September 1, 2010

The Supreme Court of British Columbia has lifted an injunction that prevented the University of Victoria from dealing with its feral rabbit population. The more than 1300 campus bunnies can now be humanely trapped and moved to a rabbit sanctuary in Texas.

Sweet mother of god. What is wrong with my country?

First, a whole lot of arsewipes abandon their pets on the university grounds because they are no longer fuzzy and small. We’re leaning toward the Apocalypse right there. But it gets better.

The university realizes that the bunnies are wreaking havoc by destroying trees, shitting all over the grounds, and severely maiming the rugby players (ironic, I know), and comes up with a sensible plan to cull the population.

[Going to warn you right now- unless you can demonstrate that you are a vegan, you can just shut up with the animal rights bullshit. Steaks are not delivered to your supermarket by the Meat Fairy and leather does not grow on trees. I have no patience for part-time Greenpeacers wailing about “rights” of the cute.]

Anyway, the university’s plan is foiled by animal-rights nutwad Roslyn Cassels, who gets an injunction to stop them from sending the furry little mascots to the stew pot and then defends it through two levels of the justice system, until the case reaches the provincial Supreme Court. The university backs down from a PR nightmare, likely realizing how much it will cost to Photoshop the bunnies out of all their promotional material. And a small army of idiotic volunteers is marshalled to arrange the spaying, neutering and shipping of 1300 rabbits 2000 miles across the U.S. to Texas.

The Apocalypse score is pretty much undisputable at this point. But it gets even BETTER!

Juxtapose, if you will, the plight of the feral bunnies of Victoria with the plight of its feral humans, i.e. people with mental health problems who are unable to find shelter and who are allowed to camp overnight on public land. About 40 people have tents set up on the median of a busy boulevard near the city’s largest homeless drop-in centre, and three of them have been killed by cars in the last 18 months. The city’s response? Provide them with some decent shelter so they don’t have to set up tents? Move the services they need to survive away from this busy urban boulevard?  Nope. Victoria City Council has decided to introduce a bylaw making it illegal for them to camp. And not a peep out of the Roslyn Cassels of the world.

I know the mentally ill homeless are not furry and cute and I know they aren’t easy to love– we have one living under a fire escape across the street who spends his days drinking, masturbating, and screaming at the voices in his head. But when the people of a comparatively wealthy Canadian city can turn their backs on them like this, while mobilizing thousands of dollars for a pack of wild rabbits, Humanity loses two points.

The Apocalypse: 20.5

Humanity: 14.5

  1. 1. Who knew there was such a thing as a feral bunny. We used to have a cat problem but then some coyotes ate them. Maybe the University should get some coyotes.

    2. We had a bunny once, we named her Irma Faye because she was as mean a trailer park who—-e ….well you know.

    3. We have three very large boy children (they’re in their 20’s so, in man years, they still qualify as children), who were petrified of Irma Faye.

    4. Bunnies are evil so Texas is a great choice of residence for them….lots of conservatives and trailer parks.

    5. We had the same situation here where a bunch of homeless folks (not mentally ill – just out of work) living under an overpass got shuffled out of sight, never to be heard from again.

    6. People and Bunnies suck.

    • I think there’s a movie script here- roving packs of feral bunnies terrorize whore-filled Texas trailer park. I graciously cede the rights to you.

  2. We can split them as long as you’re the one that goes to Texas for the shoot…..***

  3. Coco permalink

    Wait…the Meat Fairy isn’t real? CRAP.

    I like bunnies, but let’s face it, out on their own all they do is eat and hump and make more bunnies. And wild bunnies with no predators = pests. It’s sad that humping rabbits are valued over people.

    Well deserved points to the Apocalypse.

    • Sorry to break your heart about the Meat Fairy. But the Clean Underpants Fairy is totally real. (In our house, it’s me.)

  4. Does the University realize that as soon as the rabbits get sent to Texas they will end up on the dining room table? Sanctuary, my ass. They’ll be target practice. And if they aren’t, with that many rabbits living in a small area, with no predators, there will be disease in no time. The last thing the University wants is a bunch of pissed-off Texans coming their way because the hanta virus is wiping out the population.

  5. Is it weird that I get a little excited inside at the thought of the apocalypse?

    I mean, I don’t actually want the world to end.

    But that’s gotta be exciting.

    • Not weird at all. And, since I have taken it upon myself to make the final judgement, you can enjoy the thrill of impending doom without guilt. It’s a win-win.

  6. I’ve promised my two cats that I won’t bring home any other mammals. Sorry, bunnies and homeless people. We’re all stocked up here.

  7. Tracy permalink

    Oh how I love this blog

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