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Mad Men: Servants of the Apocalypse

August 3, 2010

I didn’t want to read the entertainment news. Honestly. But my readers (and my girlfriend) have started to question my bad-assedness, so I needed to be outraged and celebrity news is pretty much guaranteed to provide outrage.

Now you are thinking, what about the real news? The wars? Corruption? Injustice? But I tried the real news sites and came across a story about how the British Columbia government tests children for sex offence recidivism by attaching sensors to their penises and exposing them to child pornography. These posts need to be glib and occasionally funny and reading that story just made me want to rinse my eyeballs out with bleach.

So I turned to celebrity news and it did not disappoint, because it appears that the women of Mad Men are being told that they should just “skip going to the gym so they can keep those curves.”

Now, I am not against curves. That would be a little like the Pope coming out against pointy hats. But the article goes on to point out that the advantage of having curves is the sexy look you get when you wear a GIRDLE.

[I may have young readers who have never seen a real live girdle, so I will provide the following visual aide:]

Women’s curves, apparently, are sexy if they are squeezed into a rubberized shaping garment that probably makes it difficult to breathe. I say probably because I was born in 1967 and, mercifully, I have never had to wear one. But my mother did. It looked a lot like the one above, only it was beige. The material was so rubbery that we could have used it to bounce my baby sister in the air. Not that we would have, of course. (Debbie, if you are reading this, that is not how you got that scar.)

But anyway, the point is that no one should be allowed to call this thing sexy. Constricting, uncomfortable, sweat-drenched–  yes. But not sexy.

So for promoting what may very well be the return of the girdle, January Jones has just scored Mad Men‘s point for the Apocalypse.

The Apocalypse: 14.5

Humanity: 13

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