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The Apocalypse wishes you a happy Canada Day!

July 1, 2010

Today is Canada day and there is just so much to celebrate!

Like, for example, we are making significant progress in our bid to become a police state:

  • The enquiry into the death of stapler-wielding Robert Dziekanski confirms what anyone who saw the YouTube video already knew: the RCMP tazered the harmless man to death and then lied to investigators.
  • The so-called 5 metre rule at the G8 summit hastily and secretly passed by the Ontario government to allow police to search and arrest anyone coming within 5 metres of the security fence did not actually exist. Of course, the Chief of police allowed everyone, including his officers, to believe that it did. Which encouraged them to illegally detain and search people all over the city as well.
  • Police display a frightening array of weapons in a press conference justifying massive human rights abuses (now condemned in the international media by… wait for it… Iran). Of course, the worst of them were not actually seized in arrests related to the G8. In fact, some of them were homemade foam rubber props for a LARPy fantasy role-playing game, but like, whatever…

And then there are the illegal health care charges that begin right here in Quebec. On Canada day!

How about immigration officials trying to deport former gangster Nicolas Rodriguez, even though he built a law-abiding, tax-paying life here in Canada. Even though they did nothing about his criminal past for four years after he fully disclosed it- on arrival to the country. But then his Canadian-born son does need intensive medical care to stay alive…

Or the fact that the Quebec government will probably back a $58 million loan to revive an asbestos mine so we can continue to ship a cancer-causing product (that is illegal here in Canada) to developing nations.

And the Canadian academic who declared that Anne of Green Gables had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

And we still love the Queen. Or we’re still paying for her visits, anyway.

So Happy Canada Day, Canada!

The Apacalypse: 13.5

Humanity: 10

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3 Comments
  1. Ok, that academic is really reaching. You spend enough time researching something, you make it fit your theory. I’m writing a paper on how ice cream sandwiches will make you thin. The research is tough, but dammit, I’m going to prove it.

  2. You are going to need a very large sample group if you want this research to be representative. I’m in.

  3. Let me know where to send the test samples!

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