Nominate Stephen Harper for the Rapture
I got it all wrong. I was ready to drop everything and lobby for all Humanity, missing perhaps the only opportunity I have to engage meaningfully in the Canadian political process. This Judgement Day business is our way out! If Harper wins, we could be saved by the rapture!
Accordingly, I have created a Facebook event to help Stephen Harper get saved:
You may not be aware of this, but a Christian radio station in California has established May 21st as the Day of Judgement. As a devout atheist, I may not have all the details straight, but I believe this means that God is scheduled to make his final choice on the sheep and the goats. Those who are saved will be beamed up directly to him, and the rest of us will be left behind to suffer the end days with the Beast.
If this is true, it presents a unique opportunity for the Canadian voter. If the efforts of Iggy, Jack, and Gilles are not enough to keep Stephen Harper from winning a majority government, we can pray for him to be taken up in the rapture.
It’s a win-win solution. There’s not enough time between the May 2nd election and the Judgement for him to ruin what is left of our democracy. And since Stephen Harper is a member of a fundamentalist Christian church and would be on the list of the hopeful, we would actually be doing him a favour as well.
Atheist, agnostic or member of another faith? Not a problem. Think how impressed Harper’s God will be when the unwashed heathens petition his behalf!
Given the bovine complacency and gullibility of the average Canadian voter, willing to hand this despotic right-wing nut majority control over our government because he took credit for a system of banking regulations that saved us from the worst of the recession (which, as a libertarian, he would have dismantled if he’d had the opportunity), this may be our only chance.
I humbly submit the following prayer for your consideration:
Lord, if Your judgement day is indeed slated for May 21st, I humbly beseech You to include Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper in the Saved. I know, Lord, that he presides over a sinful nation of abominations like equal rights for gays, but I assure you that Stephen Harper is a faithful fundamentalist Christian and, were he not hobbled with a heathen majority in the House of Commons and the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, he would have abolished all such progressive legislation years ago.
Lord, if you call home the Faithful on May 21st, please do not overlook Stephen Harper in the rapture.
And the point? For The Apocalypse, of course. Because the post-rapture world promises to be more democratic than a Harper majority government.
The Apocalypse: 27